California Dreamin'

It's been eight years since I left Sacramento. I was so excited on that day in February when Rebe, Eli, and I packed into the car and headed to Phoenix. A whole new world awaited. Up until then I had never lived more than a few miles away from the family and friends that I knew I could always count on. They were close in distance and they were close to my heart. But, as so often is the case, the unconditional love had its setbacks. I felt like I lived in a little bubble that somehow held me back. From what, I don't know. And so, it was time to start anew with the person who not only held my heart, but also the farthest distance from it.

I remember about two months into the move thinking that it was the best time of my life. I was working at my "real job" after so many years in school, I had a new car, and I was sharing life with the love of my life. I hardly got a chance to miss Sac because I was there so often. There was always something going on that kept me going back. But it was the small things that I used to take for granted -- the drinks after work at the spur of the moment; the Easter picnic; the impromptu get together for one of the family members' birthdays -- that I missed the most. Big events I could plan for, these I could not!

And so it goes. That part of it never changes and neither does the part where I miss it.

(Not your typical picture of CA , but CA nonetheless -- mine)

Saturday is the birthday party for a friends' little girl in Placerville. It's a big bash where the whole family is welcome to celebrate poolside. It's also my nephew's birthday party at the park. These are just two of many goings on that we miss. And it still makes me kind of sad. Not just for me, but for my kids as well.

D grew up in a family where they hardly visited with extended family. And while the concept of the three brothers being close is a wonderful one -- one we all want our kids to experience -- to me, someone that grew up surrounded by cousins and friends, it's also kind of lonely. My bro and I too were extremely close growing up and still are to a certain degree. Life has led us to different paths; paths that many times conflict with one another on many levels, but also paths that when all is said and done, end up at the same destination. The fact that we spent countless days with our cousins celebrating birthdays, holidays, and any other day the adults deemed worthy had no effect on our relationship. Yet I think I speak for all of us when I say that the effect it had on our childhood is priceless. Time, distance, families of our own may separate us, but those memories will never cease to bring us back together. If only for a minute. If only in our minds.

My kids have two sets of cousins. The ones in Sac they don't see very much and my bro and I have often talked about how it leaves a void in our hearts that they're not growing up together and making memories of their own. So I'm very grateful that they have N and N up the road in Sammamish and that they love spending time together.

Just as soon as two years ago I said that I wasn't ready to move back and I'm still not real sure I'd be completely on board if the opportunity arose, but more and more I find myself thinking about it -- envisioning my kids surrounded by sunshine and cousins at outing after outing. And then I snap out of it and remember what I know so well: That contrary to what many people think, the sun doesn't always shine in the Golden State; both literally and figuratively.

I don't think I'll be burdened with having to make the decision to uproot my family to CA anytime soon. Maybe even never, but that's a notion I know I'm not ready to accept. So I'ma keep on dreamin'.