Today

Today she is 77

I am 44

33 years

two states

540 miles

and what sometimes seems

like several lifetimes separate us

But none of that matters

because at the times I've

needed her most,

(Wedding dress shopping in Phoenix -- Oct '02)

(Meeting J, again in Phoenix -- Jan '04)

(His baptism in Germantown, MD -- Jul '05)

(Meeting M in Olympia -- Oct '08)

she's always been there.

I wish I could do the same for her.
The guilt sometimes consumes me
to the point of tears.
But that's a story for another day.

Today is her birthday.

(July 2, 2003 -- the last time we celebrated her birthday together)


So today,
let's just celebrate her!




Feliz Cumpleanos, Madrecita Linda!

Double Duty Daddybration

It only happens once in a blue moon. Maybe more; maybe less because I'm not sure how often a blue moon comes around, but the point is that it doesn't happen very often. This year, however, Daddy's birthday fell on Father's Day. June 20th was the third Sunday of the month and it called for a double dose of celebrations.

Daddy had asked his family to drop by on their way home to Corvallis from Seattle after celebrating N's birthday the day before. They, for some reason or another, respectfully declined. That didn't deter our plans any. We were going to BBQ steaks come hell or high water. Actually, he was going to do the queing because nobody makes steaks like Daddy! I, however, made a special cake to mark the occasion ~ his favorite: Boxed yellow with

chocolate frosting.

And it turned out like most of my baked goods do:

Nothing but the best for my loving husband!

But also nothing a little frosting couldn't cure.

We sang Happy Birthday

and together they blew out the candles,

we ate cake --


which despite its appearance was really yummy,


and Daddy enjoyed the day with his two beautiful kids.


The last time we had a celebration of this sort was in 2004.
We were living in temp housing in Gaithersburg, MD.
J was only five months old:

The next time will be 2021.

J will be 17 and knocking on the door of his senior year in HS.

M will be 12 going on 22, I'm sure.

And Daddy, well, he'll be celebrating

half a century on this earth.

What a party that will be!

Start Spreading the News

♫ Sing along with me to the tune of New York, New York ♫

Start spreading the news -- He's leaving today

He wants to be a part of it

FIRST GRADE, FIRST GRADE

He's ready to go

He's worked very hard

He's gonna be a part of it

FIRST GRADE, FIRST GRADE

He knows his ABC's and his 123's so well

He worked on sounding out words

and stories to tell

Just ask him to rhyme

He'll say tens and pens

He's learned to share and get along

with all his friends

So now he's made it there

He'll make it anywhere

He's on his way

FIRST GRADE, FIRST GRADE !!!!!

♫ tan tan ta ra ran ~ tan tan ta ran ran ♫
(Don't deny it...you know you feel it)

Congratulations, Jacob
We love you and are so proud of you!

California Dreamin'

It's been eight years since I left Sacramento. I was so excited on that day in February when Rebe, Eli, and I packed into the car and headed to Phoenix. A whole new world awaited. Up until then I had never lived more than a few miles away from the family and friends that I knew I could always count on. They were close in distance and they were close to my heart. But, as so often is the case, the unconditional love had its setbacks. I felt like I lived in a little bubble that somehow held me back. From what, I don't know. And so, it was time to start anew with the person who not only held my heart, but also the farthest distance from it.

I remember about two months into the move thinking that it was the best time of my life. I was working at my "real job" after so many years in school, I had a new car, and I was sharing life with the love of my life. I hardly got a chance to miss Sac because I was there so often. There was always something going on that kept me going back. But it was the small things that I used to take for granted -- the drinks after work at the spur of the moment; the Easter picnic; the impromptu get together for one of the family members' birthdays -- that I missed the most. Big events I could plan for, these I could not!

And so it goes. That part of it never changes and neither does the part where I miss it.

(Not your typical picture of CA , but CA nonetheless -- mine)

Saturday is the birthday party for a friends' little girl in Placerville. It's a big bash where the whole family is welcome to celebrate poolside. It's also my nephew's birthday party at the park. These are just two of many goings on that we miss. And it still makes me kind of sad. Not just for me, but for my kids as well.

D grew up in a family where they hardly visited with extended family. And while the concept of the three brothers being close is a wonderful one -- one we all want our kids to experience -- to me, someone that grew up surrounded by cousins and friends, it's also kind of lonely. My bro and I too were extremely close growing up and still are to a certain degree. Life has led us to different paths; paths that many times conflict with one another on many levels, but also paths that when all is said and done, end up at the same destination. The fact that we spent countless days with our cousins celebrating birthdays, holidays, and any other day the adults deemed worthy had no effect on our relationship. Yet I think I speak for all of us when I say that the effect it had on our childhood is priceless. Time, distance, families of our own may separate us, but those memories will never cease to bring us back together. If only for a minute. If only in our minds.

My kids have two sets of cousins. The ones in Sac they don't see very much and my bro and I have often talked about how it leaves a void in our hearts that they're not growing up together and making memories of their own. So I'm very grateful that they have N and N up the road in Sammamish and that they love spending time together.

Just as soon as two years ago I said that I wasn't ready to move back and I'm still not real sure I'd be completely on board if the opportunity arose, but more and more I find myself thinking about it -- envisioning my kids surrounded by sunshine and cousins at outing after outing. And then I snap out of it and remember what I know so well: That contrary to what many people think, the sun doesn't always shine in the Golden State; both literally and figuratively.

I don't think I'll be burdened with having to make the decision to uproot my family to CA anytime soon. Maybe even never, but that's a notion I know I'm not ready to accept. So I'ma keep on dreamin'.

Hitting Home

This beautiful little boy is missing and something about it has really hit home. I don't know if it's because he's from Oregon, or because he's seven, or maybe because the circumstances leading to his disappearance are so normal and everyday for me --not unlike something that would happen in our house. It could be that he somehow reminds me of my J. The hair and the missing teeth, sans the glasses, and that's him.

It sounds like he and his step mom went to the science fair on Friday morning, checked out the wares, and then she walked him to a place close to his classroom where she thought he was safe. He never got off the bus that afternoon and they later found out that he had been marked absent from class for the day.

Just yesterday I had a conversation with Colleen, J's teacher, about this. He was absent from school on Friday and I forgot to call. She said that the school calls the parents after roll call is taken if the child is not there and there was no call informing them that would be the case. She said they want to ensure that the child hasn't gotten lost.

She admitted that at times she doesn't take roll until later in the day and it sounds like that's exactly what happened here. I understand that teachers are overwhelmed with work and that classrooms are filled to capacity with children to their one adult. But I also can't let go of the thought that maybe if his parents had been informed early on, someone would have found him before critical time passed by.

Everyday I watch as J gets onto the bus and never again give any thought to if he'll make it to school. When 3:30 rolls around I go to the bus stop to pick him up, always assuming he'll be one of the first to get off. Some days I wait too long and by the time I walk out he's already close to home or ringing the doorbell. I still hadn't figured out if we'd let him walk to the bus stop alone in the morning next year. I was leaning towards no. I'm no longer leaning, I've now fallen completely into the land of Nay.

I can't stop thinking of how scared Kyron must be. It breaks my heart to think that he is living in constant fear. I pray he will come home safely; that God will bestow a miracle upon him and his family, and that the only thing hitting their home in the near furture will be the sound of the door as this beautiful child walks through it again.