A Dozen Years

Today is the 12th anniversary of my dad's death. I'm putting it down because it is not because I have anything noteworthy to say about it, yet I feel it should be commemorated somehow and today this is the best I can do.

The first year after his passing we had a big shindig at my mom's house. Padre Ramos who is a priest and a good friend of my mom's, came over and held a mass. There was food, family, and remembrances of him. The next year we had an early-morning mass that my mom and I attended along with a couple of other family members that could get away from the office on a weekday. Since then, I don't recall any other reunion, not even two years ago when he hit the decade mark. My mom always holds a mass in his honor and goes to the grave site to put some flowers down.

This time of year has in past years been difficult for me. Subconsciously I know that the day is approaching and I start to feel blue a couple of days before and on the actual day there's tears that flow throughout. I have none of that today or in days past. While I refuse to read too much into it or try to get to the root of the problem, if that's what it is, I do find it strange.

The day is still vivid in my mind, like it was yesterday. But today I feel like an outsider standing in front of a window looking in. I feel removed, not unlike the way I felt that day and the days that followed. I was busy, tired, and numb. I remember sitting at his funeral mass and thinking that I should be crying but my eyes were dry and my heart felt empty. It wasn't until he was laid to rest and the house that was filled with people just a couple of days before also became empty, that I deflated like a balloon and was able to finally cry.

The tears came for many, many days after that, as I suspect will be the case this time.

Descansa en Paz, Papi.

An Early-Morning Date

This morning as I was getting ready, J and M were in her room and I could hear J going on about a show: Did she want to be part of the show? Did she like the show? Who did she want to be in the show? show, Show, SHOW!!!

When I walked in a few minutes later, J told me that he and M had gone out to dinner to a show, not AND a show, but to a show. This is a venue where you go see a show AND you eat dinner too. That sounds a lot like a dinner theatre except that I have no idea where he got this idea. We've never been anywhere like that nor do we talk about anything like that. I guess all of this came out of his imagination.

He informed me that M had spaghetti and he had pizza while the show was going on. And, after dinner, they were able to watch two more shows. That's a good gig in today's economy.

He went on to tell me that not only were they spectators, but they were also invited to be a part of this morning's grand performance. Maybe this is the way to earn their keep...this place's version of washing the dishes.

I've yet to find out what the show was all about, but it sounds like the date went well.

Maybe D can learn a thing or two from J on this particular topic -- or maybe that's exactly who he's learning it from.

Traditions

On the evening of January 5th, J and M filled their shoes with hay and set them by the door in anticipation of the arrival of the three kings.

This was the first time our family had celebrated the Epiphany and J was excited at the prospect of getting yet another present.

El Dia de Los Reyes is a big deal in Latin American countries. My mom has told me stories of how this was the day they got their presents, not Christmas, and it was usually nothing more than a couple of pieces of candy. I have always found the story touching. A folksy tale of times past. I would imagine her and her 10 brothers and sisters setting out the shoes and going to bed with smiles on their faces just thinking of morning when they would delve into the delicious colaciones. (sugar balls covered in food coloring).

As a kid the day never went unnoticed. Our Christmas decorations stayed up until after that day had passed. Every once in a while we'd go to someone's house and have posole and rosca -- king cake -- and atole -- a cornmeal drink. It wasn't by any means a yearly tradition, yet I've never forgotten it. Each year, my own decorations stay up until after the 6th too. And that's about the extent of my Epiphany celebration.

But on the morning of January 6th, 2010, the camels had eaten their hay and the kings left J a small gift.

Two days after that, the moms' group hosted a party for the kids in honor of the occasion. They read stories and decorated crowns.

They followed in the footsteps of the kings and followed the star, which would lead them to the treasure; in this case, plastic gold coins and Rolos.

And, they ate King Cake. It was a fun morning for all of them, and I'm hoping that a little seed has been planted in J's brain about the meaning of the day.

That night, he had a friend over and he was going on and on about king coins and baby Jesus. Right now we're all at the learning stage of it. It's just words and phrases being tossed about by a five-year old but I hope that we can expand on it each year until all the pieces fit.

Christmas is the same way. I've yet to make the Jesus/Santa connection. It's a work in progress and hopefully I'll get it figured out before Mia is old enough to not believe anymore. It's worked out so far and I have to milk it for as long as I can.

In the end, it's about making memories. Just like the ones I talked about above. Somehow all the stories left their mark and years later I know that it matters. It matters enough to pass it on to my kids and I hope one day they too will remember, if only that.

To Embrace and to Hold

This year I decided to do a scrapbook titled something like, "Top 10 in '10." And while that's not final yet, most of the details are. Each month, from 10th to 10th , I'll scrap the top ten highlights. I think it's a fun way to chronicle what goes on, and even more exciting, at the end of the year I'll have a family scrapbook done.

Because I don't want to leave out these first ten days, the first page will be titled, "Top 10 in '10...so far." Each day I write something down that's noteworthy to document on January 11.

This morning I called my Nina (Godmother) in Tlaquepaque. It was her birthday on the 3rd but just got to talk to her today. J sang Happy Birthday. I could hear her excitement even though I was standing a little ways away from him. They had a small conversation about who was going to travel to see whom. Then they said their respective I love yous and when I got on the phone she commented on how well he spoke; that he's Fabuloso -- fabulous. The smile in her voice was evident.

This beautiful, selfless, 83-year-old woman battling breast cancer always has the power to make my heart soar. Even in her darkest moments -- and there have been many -- there is a resounding optimism that leaves no doubt that she will once again get up, dress up, and show up. I've seen it over and over and over again.

On the day that she told me that her body had been plagued by this horrible disease and that she had opted to just let it be, I was the one that crumbled, and she, like she'd done so many times before, was the one that consoled me. Her words of wisdom, her strength, and her dignity gave me strength and optimism. And in the days that followed when everything brought me to a memory of her and that same strength and optimism were washed away by tears, I had the overwhelming urge to call her so that she could work her magic once again.

Today's conversation was light and fun. She told me that she had talked to my bro for the first time in years a couple of days ago. She said that he was just running in my mom's house to pick up something and had to get back to the kids so it had been a short dialog in which she said something that prompted a hearty and genuine laugh from him. She described listening to that laugh as "La Gloria." It translates into glorious.

She takes nothing for granted. Unfortunately, life has molded and shaped her to not do so, as it does to some degree all of us; however, not all of us embrace it until it's too late. She's not only embraced it, she's tightened the grip and held on while it still matters.

That's what I hope to do with my book. Not every month is going to be filled with marquee moments, yet each day is a blessing and it's within those days where we have to find the even smaller ones, even if it's nothing more than a hearty laugh.

I'm not planning to do a Letterman-style countdown with my Top Ten list, but if I was, hearing her voice today would take the No. 1 spot by a landslide.

PS: When I hung up with her, she sounded like she was crying. I hope we made her as happy as she made me.

Happy New Year

After almost two fabulous weeks of exploring the world, playing wii, and living like rock stars;

(J and M with their gifts on Christmas morning)

tons of quality family time;

(The cousins @ AKs on Christmas Day)

(D and his bros with the kids)

(Tacoma Zoo)

(Mt. Ranier)

plenty of fun;

the obligatory drinking,

eating,


and being merry;

not to mention loads of undone laundry;

and the occasional breaking of the law,

D went back to work, J went back to school, M went back to BabyGym, and all of us went back to reality today. It's always bittersweet; for the last three years D has taken the week between Christmas and New Years off. It's a fun-filled time with lots of lazy days sprinkled in. This year included a trip to Portland with a stay at the Embassy Suites on Christmas Day; a trip to Seattle, if only for M's allergist appointment and dim sum, but punctuated with Zoolights that evening; and a snowy-filled day at Mt. Ranier National Park.

While many people are into their fourth day of resolutions, done with those 72 hours that rid their bodies of whatever toxins were invading them or just getting rid of the soreness the weights inflicted, today is the first day of mine. I'm taking a trip to South Beach for the next couple of weeks and hope to come back with a little less weight in my luggage.

I have a good feeling about this year. Between the 1st and the 3rd we managed to clean out the garage, the front closet, and I put a big dent in the reorganization of the bonus room. And today, after a slow and rocky start, has been great.

For D, today was his first day back to tending to the business of farmers, but his work as a husband and daddy is never-ending.

And we love him for it.

Here's to 2010!